10 Minutes to Heal Your Relationship


"Disconnection, you see, is like the first sign of a cold.  Monday’s sniffle becomes Wednesday’s misery.  Disconnection is like the sniffle: benign enough, no big deal.  Easy to miss or ignore. But just as the sniffle becomes the sore throat, our disconnection eventually leads to increasing irritation with our spouse." -Katie Read

10 Minutes to Heal Your Relationship
by Katie Read, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Remember the last time you and your partner sat together on the couch cuddling, talking, and really reconnecting?  Remember how great it felt to hold hands, be present, and enjoy each other’s company without distractions?  Remember that?

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Neither do most couples, once they get past the blush of early dating or becoming newlyweds.  And when I ask parents of young kids when they last spent time reconnecting, the blank stare is priceless—and is quickly followed by the huge list of reasons that it’s totally impossible.

But it’s not impossible.  And, for the health of your relationship, I’ll go so far as to say it’s vital. 

I call it “Ten Together,” and I suggest it to all my couples struggling with disconnection. 

Disconnection, you see, is like the first sign of a cold.  Monday’s sniffle becomes Wednesday’s misery.  Disconnection is like the sniffle: benign enough, no big deal.  Easy to miss or ignore. But just as the sniffle becomes the sore throat, our disconnection eventually leads to increasing irritation with our spouse.  We’re suddenly a little less patient, a little more grouchy.  Then we’re snapping at each other.  Then we’re full-blown arguing, wondering why we ever chose this insane, irrational person in the first place.

So how do you stop disconnection in its path, before the virus multiplies freely in your relationship?  Ten Together.

Here are the basics: 

Ten Togethers are powerful nightly rituals.  If your relationship has gone beyond simple disconnection—your cold is on its second box of Kleenex—some additional advice: 

Try it!  I would love to hear how it goes.  Remember, missing a day is fine.  Missing two or three probably means that you are prioritizing other things over the health of your primary relationship—and at the end of the day, if you are choosing to spend your life with this person, what is more important than the relationship? 

Please leave a comment and let me know about your Ten Togethers! A daily dose will likely clear your disconnection right up.

Katie Read, MFT provides mental health therapy and counseling in Roseville and Granite Bay, CA.  She loves working with individuals and couples.  Please visit her at www.katiereadtherapy.com.

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